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Sunday, August 26, 2012

Family Addiction Recovery - Detachment With Love As a Tool For Recovery

Detachment is a tool for family members' addiction recovery. It is also a therapeutic goal for family members in recovery. Detachment, in an addiction context, means letting go of efforts to control or take responsibility for the addict.

Alcohol/drug addiction not only has a typical progression for the individual, there is a progression to the family dynamics of addiction as well. As addiction progresses, the addict becomes more and more disabled by the addiction. In this progression, family members feel compelled to take on increasingly more of the addict's roles and responsibilities. They often take on the job of "parenting" the adult addict.

Family members, trying so desperately to fix the problem, often feel like they have lost themselves in the process or have become someone that they never wanted to be. They experience a wide range of significant emotional and mental health symptoms in the process.

Family Addiction Recovery - Detachment With Love As a Tool For Recovery

The addict feels compelled to continue to the use the chemical in the face of negative consequences. Family members are similarly "compelled". They observe someone that they love losing control over his/her life. They feel that the "must" do something to prevent it from happening or to fix it. This compulsion to take control is a typical part of the family dynamics of addiction. In a family system, this shift in responsibilities marks a pathological adjustment to the behavioral, emotional, relationship, spiritual, and physical changes of the addict as s/he progresses in his/her addiction.

As the addict continues to decline, the system incorporates the addict's changes into the structure and function of that system. Family members, in their attempts to solve the problems of the addiction, try reasonable problem solving behaviors that do not work on addiction. Their efforts to solve those problems amount to adjusting to the pathology of the addiction in a way that tends to maintain the dysfunction. These problem solving efforts are labeled "enabling" because they enable the addict to continue his/her drinking/using behavior by removing the "natural, negative consequences" of that behavior.

This does not mean that family members cause the addiction. Nor are they responsible for the addict remaining in the addiction. The family member is not responsible for another person's disease or recovery from it. Yet in the disease, the family member becomes hopelessly entangled in the destructive family dynamics of addiction.

In order for family members to recover their health and control over their own lives, they must detach with love from the addict. It helps family members to understand how their compulsion to fix the addict, helps perpetuate the problem, rather than solving those problems. The attempts of family members to "fix" the problems are viewed by the addict as "control".

In obsessing about the addict, family members lose themselves in the process. Family members often describe not knowing what they are feeling. They often question their own sanity, especially in a struggle to find out "the truth" about a suspected lie.

Family members often find themselves locked in a cycle of obsessing about the addict's behavior, emotionally reacting, and compulsively attempting to make them change. Family members are certain that they know what is best for the addict, or what they need to do, to solve the problem. They invest emotionally in their solutions and feel compelled to impose those solutions on the addict. Family members continue the same problem solving behavior despite evidence that it is not working. No other possible solutions are considered; largely because family members are so invested in their solutions that they cannot imagine that there could be another way.

Detachment is a tool that helps break that pattern. Detachment does not have to involve anger. Detachment with love does not involve a hostile withdrawal of love or support. It does not involve a hopeless or desperate acceptance of the unacceptable.

Detachment with love is about mentally, emotionally, and sometimes physically letting go of unhealthy entanglements with another person's life and responsibilities. Detachment with love involves letting go of problems that are not yours to solve. In family addiction, this detachment is about relinquishing responsibility over that which you have no authority and no power. It implies taking responsibility for one's own issues, feelings, behaviors, and happiness. Detachment with loves means to stop removing the natural negative consequences of the addict's behavior and to allow them to suffer those consequences.

Detachment with love allows family members to take better care of self. By detaching with love, you free yourself up to "care about" the addict, instead of "taking care of" them. For the family in recovery, "detachment with love" means letting go of the compulsion to be responsible for the addict. It allows a family member to return to being the person s/he was before s/he became someone else in the process of trying to take responsibility for the addict's addiction.

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Dr. Peggy L. Ferguson, Ph.D., LADC, LMFT, Marriage/Family Therapist and Alcohol/Drug Counselor. Whether you are dealing with addiction issues, emotional or mental health issues, relationship issues, or need some additional living skills, my website is available to you. The "Links" page offers a wide range of resources for additional help. There is a "Recommended Readings" page and an "Ask Peggy" column. My site is a work in progress with additional features, articles, and resources being added to it on a regular basis. Check it out at http://www.peggyferguson.com

Click here to ask Peggy a question about this topic or others or to subscribe to a newsletter that will alert you to additional informational and educational opportunities on this topic and others. http://www.peggyferguson.com

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Wednesday, August 22, 2012

Single-Family, Condominium, Townhome And Multi-Family - You Have Lots Of Choices For Your Next Home!

Housing Options

Home buyers just starting to look for a new home have several options that they should consider. While what comes to mind for most people when they envision a new home is the traditional single-family, prospective buyers should really give some consideration to their needs, wants and financial situation in regards to what type of property they buy.

Single-Family Homes

Single-Family, Condominium, Townhome And Multi-Family - You Have Lots Of Choices For Your Next Home!

The traditional choice of buyers that need room to spread out. By definition, a single family home has its own land and structure. The owner is responsible for paying all the taxes and insurance as well as doing all the maintenance. Because in most developed areas land is the major component of a property's price, single-family homes are the most expensive.
Some neighborhoods have opted to have a homeowners association (HOA) to ensure that homes are maintained and common areas are kept up. Homes in HOAs are subject to a variety of 'community rules' that a buyer should read very carefully! Of course, every home in the HOA will have a yearly fee to cover all the costs incurred so those should be considered when estimating total costs for owning a home.

Condominiums

At the other end of the scale are condominiums. These maximize the amount of living area on a piece of land, while sacrificing privacy and yard space. Normally dues are paid monthly to cover the water, sewer and garbage service as well as the taxes and normally increase about 5% per year. All the exterior maintenance is taken care of, but condo buyers should be aware that major repairs to a condominium complex is split evenly amongst all the owners. It is best to buy just after big maintenance projects are completed and sell prior to them happening.
As with HOA's, condominiums have CC&R declarations, which stipulate what can and can't be done with a condo and in the common areas. These can vary from fairly lax to near draconian so again, be sure to read the CC&R declarations very carefully!
The up side of condo life is the ease of it all. There are no lawns to mow, gutters to clean, or paint to fix. Of course you still have to maintain the inside of your own condo unit, but this is generally much easier than with a single-family home. Also, the price of condos can be attractive to home buyers on a budget. Because several units occupy the space that a single-family home would take up, the price of a condo can be significantly lower and hence affordable to many buyers.

Townhomes

Somewhere between a condo and a single-family home is the townhome. Normally these are defined as one living unit adjoined on two walls by other units, though there are exceptions. Townhome owners generally own the structure itself up to the adjoining walls, and the land it sits on, normally including the front and back yards. Townhomes offer home buyers a definite compromise between the extremes of single-family homes and condos. Each townhome unit is taxed separately but there is usually an HOA to coordinate and pay for the upkeep of any common areas.

In some areas developers are building 'detached townhomes' which in effect are single family residences placed VERY close together, usually within 10'-12' of the exterior walls. These offer slightly more privacy, but still maintain a slightly lower price point because of the density of homes.

Multi-Family Properties

For industrious home buyers, the multi-family structure should not be overlooked, though it often is. In many places the price of duplex, tri-plex and even four-plex properties is not significantly more than that of a single family home of comparable size, and this offers home buyers a great advantage. By purchasing a duplex property for example, the new owners can live in one unit, rent the other out, and subsidize their house payment. There are tax advantages as well that home buyers should consult their accountants about.

Loans for multi-family properties such as these are also financeable through normal means, and even via FHA loan programs. For the added work of having tenants for neighbors, home buyers can significantly reduce their net monthly payment.

Consider Your Options Before Shopping!

As prospective home buyers, you should talk with your agent before shopping and discuss what home types fit your needs and lifestyle, as well as price range. Your real estate agent should be able to suggest several options for you that fit your criteria both in space, maintenance and location.

Single-Family, Condominium, Townhome And Multi-Family - You Have Lots Of Choices For Your Next Home!

If you are needing a professional real estate agent to talk to, visit me at http://www.jacquiecliff.com/ and I can connect you with a real estate agent in your area.

Jacquie Cliff is a professional real estate agent based in Lynnwood, Washington. She has years of experience in all phases of residential real estate sales and marketing as well as loans and the lending industry. She has helped many people fulfill their real estate goals in areas ranging from Seattle itself to Marysville and out to Snohomish.

Voted one of the Seattle areas best real estate agents, Jacquie Cliff strives to make every real estate transaction as fluid and profitable as possible for her clients. As a loan officer and a real estate agent she is better able to co-ordinate the entire home buying process for her clients and in most cases even save them money on their loans!

Free consultations are always available if you are in the market to buy, sell or refinance a home in Western Washington. Referrals to other top agents are also available for other areas as well. Visit http://www.jacquiecliff.com/ to find out more information and to get your appointment to work with this astounding agent!

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Sunday, August 19, 2012

Home Security and Self Defense - The Best Way to Protect Your Home and Family

The statistics are in and crime is on the rise-what a surprise!

Property crime occurs every 3 seconds, a home burglary every 15 seconds.

Now there is a new threat "Home Invasion". "Home Invasion" is a term police use when a suspect enters a home with or without force and confronts the occupants to commit a robbery and or other crimes such as assault, rape, torture or even murder.

Home Security and Self Defense - The Best Way to Protect Your Home and Family

"Home Invasion" is particularly troubling because of the potential trauma it inflicts on the occupants, parents and especially small children and the potential threat of assault, rape, torture or even murder.

To me it seems like "home invasion" is much more intimidating than a regular burglary. It is one thing to have your home burglarized when you are not there. That is bad enough. But to have someone invade your home while you are there brandishing a knife or gun brings the violation up a notch to a whole new level.

It is my sincere hope that none of my readers/customers ever have to go through the trauma of a home invasion or burglary.

Forewarned is forearmed or something like that. Take these steps to help prepare for what is almost inevitable.

1. MAKE YOUR HOME YOUR CASTLE Secure it the best you can. Do the obvious things doors, windows, etc. Eliminate hiding places. Install some door and window alarms. And while you're at it check to see if the "Castle Doctrine" applies in your area.

2. "GET SMART and GET A PLAN" Home Invaders can be thwarted if you and your family have a plan and have practiced what to do in case of an intrusion. That plan must assuredly involve some non lethal self defense weapons such as stun guns, tasers, pepper sprays, stun batons, etc. located throughout the house.

3. PRACTICE, PRACTICE, PRACTICE Practice what to do in the event of an emergency and practice how to use your non lethal self defense weapons. Nothing beats having a split second response in an emergency.

4. HAVE A FAIL SAFE WAY TO GET 911 Land lines, cell phones, smoke signals-some way to get help that will work no matter what.

If you follow these tips not only will you be prepared but the worry factor will diminish.

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Chances are very good that you are reading this because in some way crime has touched your life or you want to be proactive and protect yourself, family, home, or business from the ravages of crime. That is the first step.

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Wednesday, August 15, 2012

How to Whiten Dentures Effectively - Home Based Whitening Kits and Cleaning Tips

Smile is the most appealing part of human expression. You can easily make that first big impression with a beautiful smile. Everyone wants to flaunt his or her smile with grace. In order to clean and whiten your dentures, you should preferably take up natural products and remedies. Hydrogen peroxide is the most effective tooth-bleaching agent. Most of the products contain this ingredient.

Home based whitening kits and cleaning tips

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* In order to maintain the luster of your dentures, you should preferably brush them thrice a day in a circular motion. Yellow stains are mostly formed due to red wine, smoking, tea and coffee intake. Regular brushing helps in inhibiting the formation of stains and plaque. After cleaning them properly, you should dip them in glass of water. Water hydrates and rejuvenates your dentures. It also removes germs and odors.

How to Whiten Dentures Effectively - Home Based Whitening Kits and Cleaning Tips

* Baking soda is considered to be an extremely important ingredient for tooth whitening. You can easily form a paste of baking soda and peroxide for whitening your dentures. You can also whiten your dentures by treating them with strawberries and baking soda.

* Dentures can also be cleaned and whitened through white vinegar. It is a nature based bleaching agent, which can easily diminish plaque and odor. Brushing is extremely important before this treatment.

* You can apply Hydrogen Peroxide gel in your dentures for enhancing the luster. It can be easily applied through a pen applicator from the comfort of your home. Dazzle white bleaching kit is the only whitening product, which includes a pen applicator. The process is extremely user friendly unlike other messy techniques such as awkward strips, lights and trays.

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Saturday, August 11, 2012

How to Get CitiMortgage Loan Modification Help and Save Your Family From Foreclosure

Because of the recent changes created by our government, many lenders have opened their doors for consumers having trouble making payments on their mortgage loans. Getting approved for a CitiMortgage loan modification has become easier for individuals qualifying for revisions to be made on their existing loans. To make the process even easier, homeowners are now having loan modification specialists speak to their lenders on their behalf.

Because the information and new laws can be so confusing, many loan mod services offer free consultations for CitiMortgage loan modification help. Applying for loan mods have helped families recover from the strain of the economy, and their financial burden has decreased enough to help their families remain safe and secure in the homes where their memories remain. Getting approved for a CitiMortgage loan modification can be the first step in saving your home from foreclosure and during your free consultation, you'll be able to have all your financial questions answered by an experienced professional.

Home And Family

There is some general information you'll need to be made aware of before you apply in order to increase your chances of having your application approved. If you gather all the information on your current loan prior to your consultation, you'll be prepared to understand the procedures with fewer headaches. Trust me; the process can be very overwhelming if you try to do this yourself. Unfortunately, if any part of your application is completed incorrectly the first time, you may not get another chance to apply again. This is why I highly recommend working with a loan mod service to do the work for you.

How to Get CitiMortgage Loan Modification Help and Save Your Family From Foreclosure

You will also be responsible to supply CitiMortgage with a hardship letter prior to your getting approved for a CitiMortgage loan modification. This letter will explain the reasons you have fallen behind with your monthly mortgage payments. Your loan mod service can help you prepare your formal request for one. Another benefit of having an expert by your side is to help your family prepare a financial budget which will verify whether you will be able to afford the new lower monthly payment agreed upon by your lender.

Prior to presenting your loan modification package to CitiMortgage, your service will make sure all your documents are prepared properly and ready for submission in order to increase your chances of getting approved for a CitiMortgage loan modification. If everything is presented properly your chances of getting approved is greater and the process can also be completed sooner than you think.

How to Get CitiMortgage Loan Modification Help and Save Your Family From Foreclosure

How to Get CitiMortgage Loan Modification Help
The modification process can be stressful and overwhelming. For essential facts and detailed tips on how to get your CitiMortgage loan mod approved, CLICK HERE. They are considered one of the top loan modification experts and the initial consultation is absolutely FREE.

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Thursday, August 2, 2012

Family Friendly Ways of Getting Rid of Fleas Without Chemicals

Our whole world is so full of pesticides and toxins that we seem to be bathing in them and when it comes to our pets, they often literally are. We're a society of quick fixes and we want quick and permanent relief from pests that annoy and irritate us. It's only natural that when our pet brings home an infestation of fleas, we want to turn to chemical insecticides to rid the house of the pets quickly and thoroughly.

However, it isn't necessary to soak your household with chemicals and toxic products to get rid of fleas. Chemical products are marketed by advertisers who want you to believe you must use their product to be flea-free. They are not going to tell you that there are safer, family-friendly ways to remove fleas from your pet and home that don't place your family's health at risk. It's up to us to become a bit wiser and to realize that the way we think about these things is largely the result of clever marketing over time.

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You can avoid insecticidal or chemical treatment soaps and sprays and still rid your pet and home of fleas. They aren't necessary for flea removal. After all, what did people do before this chemical age? Regular soap is perfect for killing fleas, so you can wash your pet once or twice with pet shampoo to rid it of the pests. The soap suds act with the water to drown the fleas, others will be washed off by the flow of the water and if outside will often drown in the puddles created. When your pet is dry, comb it well with a flea comb to remove eggs.

Family Friendly Ways of Getting Rid of Fleas Without Chemicals

To prevent re-infestation, you will need to get them out of your home before your pet comes back in. If your throw rugs and blankets are small enough, toss them in the washing machine and wash with laundry detergent in hot water. If your washing machine is too small, most bath tubs will be large enough to completely cover them with soapy water and drown the fleas. Any fabric item that your pet likes to rest on also needs to be washed thoroughly. If your pet enjoys sleeping on a pile of your clothing (cat owners will understand this), those shirts and pants will need to be washed as well.

Carpets can crawl with fleas which love to hide in the tiny fibers. It is therefore essential to completely clean your carpet to remove all fleas. Vacuum first. Vacuuming can remove fifty percent of the fleas on a single pass. After you vacuum, your carpeting can be washed with soapy water, but soak it well. A token scrub with a soapy rag isn't going to be enough to kill fleas or eggs. A steam-cleaning job by a professional is probably the best way to go to clean carpets and rid them of fleas.

Once you have thoroughly cleaned your carpets and rid your home of fleas, it is necessary to vacuum often and wash your pet regularly in soapy water using a flea comb afterwards, in order to prevent re-infestation. This care, however, will be worth it to you in time and trouble and of course, family and pet health.

Family Friendly Ways of Getting Rid of Fleas Without Chemicals

Visit these web sites for more information about ridding your pet and your life of fleas Natures Healthy Pet and Kill Fleas Now!

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